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Computer
Terminology
486 - The average IQ needed to
understand a PC.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you
can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for
your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say
"Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought
for the same price a Microsecond ago."
Syntax Error - Walking into a computer
store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and
money is no object."
Hard Drive - The sales technique
employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax
Error.
GUI - What your computer becomes after
spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced
"gooey")
Keyboard - The standard way to generate
computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to
make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after
purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented
to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and
on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer
response to any critical deadline.
Power User - Anyone who can format a
disk from DOS.
System Update - A quick method of
trashing ALL of your software.
Barn
Technology
BACKUP - What you do when you run
across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - them's the fightn' rules
down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling
in sick
BYTE - what your pit bull dun to cousin
Jethro
CACHE - needed when you run out of food
stamps
CHIP - pasture muffins that you try not
to step in....
TERMINAL - time to call the undertaker
CRASH - when you go to Junior's party
uninvited
DIGITAL - the art of counting on your
fingers
DISKETTE - a female Disco dancer
FAX - what you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of
smoking
HARD COPY - picture looked at when
selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put
their hair
KEYBOARD - where you hang the keys to
the John Deere
MAC - Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - how your head feels after
17 beers
MODEM - what you did when the grass and
weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - where Mickey and Minnie
live
NETWORK - scoop'n up a big fish before
it breaks the line
ONLINE - where to stay when taking the
sobriety test
ROM - where the Pope lives
SCREEN - helps keep the 'skeeters off
the porch
SERIAL PORT - a red wine you drink with
breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrack's Employee of
the Year
SCSI - What you call your week-old
underwear
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