You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

   1. Open a new file in your PC.
   2. Name it "Housework."
   3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
   4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
   5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
   6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly......
   7. Feel better?

   Works for me!

WORK

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload- Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK, take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work- Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer- Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.