YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...

The only jokes you receive are through e-mail

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string

Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room

In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure

The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.

You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects

You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have more friends on the Internet than in real life

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married

You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

You know what http:// actually stands for

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

You see a good design and still have to change it

You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring

You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)

You window shop at Radio Shack

You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're
trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite

You know what the geosynchronous satellite function is

Your checkbook always balances

Your laptop computer costs more than your car

Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300Mhz Pentium

You've already calculated how much you make per second

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio

Why Engineers Make More Money

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"
"Head up," said the doctor.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised the ax, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner.
"Head up," said the chemist.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his ax, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" asked the executioner.
"Head up."
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his ax, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out, "WAIT! I see what the problem is!"