Cell-Phone Junkies
                 

Addicted to Your Cell Phone?  Tangled in a web of wireless? Maybe you should ask yourself these questions.


1. Do parts of your body tingle when you get free cell phone minutes?

2. Does raising your children interfere with programming your speed dial?

3. Do you have long-distance conversations while sitting on the toilet in a public restroom?

4.  Does the term fashion statement mean to you matching your outfit with your cell phone carrying case?

5.  When getting into a car accident, is your first response "Can you hold on a moment, I'm hemorrhaging?"

6.  Does the sound of static trigger dark memories of ill-fated connections?

7.  Do you use the menu light as your night light?

8.  Does it take you an hour on a regular phone to get the same feeling of a five-minute cellular call?

9.  When receiving a phone call, do you ever ask the film projectionist to lower the volume of the movie?

10.  Do you have erotic dreams about digital service?

Silly Computer Acronyms

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms 
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing 

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity 

SCSI: System Can't See It 

DOS: Defective Operating System 

BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control 

IBM: I Blame Microsoft 
Idiots Buy Me 
Idiots Building Machines 
I'll Buy Macintoshes (next time...) 
It Bit Me 
It Built Microsoft 
It's Better Manually 
I've Been Mislead 
I've Been Mugged 

DEC: Do Expect Cuts 

CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months 

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too. 

WWW: World Wide Wait 

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs 

PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics 

AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction 

LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses 

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed 

WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed 
When I Need Data Output Without Speed 
While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation 
Wholly Inadequate Needless Damned Outrageous Waste of Space 


MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers 

RISC: Reduced Into Silly Code 

Which is best?

An architect, an artist and a programmer were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress. 

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. 

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. 

The programmer said, "I prefer to have both." 

"Both?" 

Programmer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."