1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3) Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still
have monkeys and apes?
5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows
where all the bad girls live.
6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"; She
said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing
sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8) If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with
9) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
speaking and there is no woman around to hear him is he
10) If someone with multiple personalities threatens to
kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11) Is there another word for synonym?
12) Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they
13) Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it
14) What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
15) If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his
16) Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
afraid someone will clean them?
18) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or
19) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20) Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has
the right to remain silent?
22) Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank
23) How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow
24) Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
25) What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26) I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books
himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the
time of his life until the boat sank. He found himself
swept up on the shore of an island with no other people,
no supplies... Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one
day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows
up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did
you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island,"
she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship
"Amazing," he says. "You were really
lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made
the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island;
the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove
the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern
came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters Ed.
"You had no tools or hardware. How did you
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman.
"On the south side of the island, there is a very
unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted
into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and
used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a
small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out
of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly
woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they talk into the house, she says casually,
"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down
please; would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed.
"Can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies.
"I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and
they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have
exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm
going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor
upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the
bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a
bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge
are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses,
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but
vines strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of
gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering
closer to him, "We've been out here for a really
long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm
sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for all these months. You
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing! "You
mean---", he swallows excitedly, "I can check
my e-mail from here..?"