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88
WAYS TO KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ONLINE TOO LONG
 (Submit
your own ways below)
1. Tech Support calls YOU for help.
2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say "LOL" out loud.
3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.
4. You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.
5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out".
6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. If you are male and see a female in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.
8. If you are female and you see a male in the "Real" world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he'd IM you.
9. You don't understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the "real" world is at your fingertips.
10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
11. When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases.
12. You walk into a room, and, finding that it has more than 23 people, you inform management that there is an error.
13. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always "yelling" at you.
14. You go up to people you are attracted to "in real life" and ask them for their GIF.
15. Although you don't know what they look like, you
become insanely
jealous of people hitting on your cyber-love.
16. You don't even know what your cyber-love looks
like.
17. When at work, your boss constantly reminds you
that the word i
should be capitalized.
18. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned
on.
19. Your spouse now complains of you moving your
fingers in your sleep
instead of talking.
20. Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and
night.
21. When someone says, "What did you say?"
you reply, "Scroll up!"
22. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer
in the middle of the
night when your spouse is asleep.
23. You turn down the lights & close the blinds
so people won't know
you're on-line again.
24. You know more about your AOL friends' daily
routines than you do
your own spouse's.
25. You find yourself lying to others about your time
on-line & when
they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was
off the hook.
26. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a
screen name close
to your own.
27. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot
eyes are from
partying too much than the truth (online all night).
28. You change your screen names so much that you
have to look at your
own profile to see who you are.
29. You go into labor and you stop to type a special
E-mail to let
everyone know you're going to be away and how you're
feeling.
30. You marry your cyberboyfriend/girlfriend and you
both sit at your
own computers & chat to each other every night from
across the room.
31. You type messages to people while you are on the
phone with them at
the same time.
32. You understand the humor in all of these jokes
because you have
committed then yourself!
33. Your dog leaves you.
34. You are doing things more and more that you swore
you would never do when you first got online.
35. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from
people who have you on their buddy list.
36. You have a map on the wall w/ LOTS of red
thumbtacks to mark
where people are you have met.
37. You look at an annoying person off-line &
wish you had your ignore button handy.
38. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the
computer.
39. Your significant other kisses your neck while
you're chatting and
you think, "Uh oh, cyber sex perv".
40. You go through "withdrawal" if you are
away from the computer for
more than a few hours.
41. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.
42. You understand what BIF ISO BIM means. (I wonder
how many
will get this one...If so, you've been hanging out in
*strange* places).
43. You wake up in the morning and the first thing
you do is get online
before you have your first cup of coffee. 
44. You have to inject no-doze into your
butt to keep it awake.
45. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL's welcome
screen.
46. You wait 6 hours online for a certain
"special" person to come home from work.
47. You don't know where the time has
gone.
48. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while
writing letters by
hand.
49. Your relationship online has gone farther than
any real one you
have had.
50. You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn
on the computer
instead.
51. You don't even notice anymore when someone has a
typo.
52. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/
{{hugs}} or **kisses**.
53. You stop typing whole words and use things like
ppl, dunno and lemme.
54. Your voicemail/answering machine message is
"BRB, leave your
s/n & I will TTYL".
55. You type faster than you think.
56. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too
& are now undergoing
therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.
57. You want to be buried with your computer when it
dies or vice versa.
58. You actually enjoy the fact that you are
addicted.
59. You can actually read & follow all the names
of the cast that scrolls up
your TV screen at the end of a movie
60. People say, "If it weren't for your super
reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have been classified as a
vegetable!"
61. You dream in "text".
62. Being called a Newbie is a "MAJOR"
insult.
63. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any
room & you're really
bored.
64. You don't want to leave in case you miss
something.
65. You double click your TV remote.
66. You can now type over 70 wpm.
67. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group
for AOL junkies.
68. You are on the phone a minute & need to do
something else & say
"BRB" or "BBL".
69. You check your E-mail and forget you have real
mail (a.k.a. snail mail).
70. You go into withdrawals during dinner.
71. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say
goodbye to
everyone in a room.
72. You stop speaking in full sentences.
73. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room
& ended up
"giving" tech support to other AOLers.
74. You have to be pried from your computer by the
"Jaws of Life".
75. Your last sexual experience was really just a
"textual" experience.
76. You know what a "snert" is.
77. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner
because you wanted to "check your mail" &
while there you "just wanted to see who was
online".
78. You meet people from AOL in public & you have
no idea what their
real name is, so you call them by their screen name.
79. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet
some folks
face-to-face.
80. When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second
thought is
wishing they'd be on AOL so you don't have to meet them
in person.
81. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name
on it.
82. You no longer type with proper capitalization,
punctuation, or
complete sentences.
83. You have met over 100 AOLers.
84. When meeting a stranger, you ask for their
profile. If they have a
profile you ask them for an age/sex/location check.
85. You understand the humor in all of this.
86. You keep telling yourself to Get a Life.
87. When someone online says BRB, gotta go pee, you
ask them to go for you, and think they can.
88. You know what ROTFLOL means.
New!
"Ways" submitted by readers:
(Submit your own ways below)
1.You know what a Popup is and how to use it : )
2. Your fingers go numb and you switch to yahoo voice chat as getting offline does not even occur to you.
3. When your keyboard doesn't have letters on it any more and you just bought it last week...
4. You've forgotten how to address a letter.
5. You've become a world renowned, professional marriage counselor without ever leaving your home.
6. You've had to restart your computer 20 times since you first logged on due to low resources.
7. You wore out your brand new office chair in 2 weeks.
8. Your computer is now worth more than your car.
9. The alarm clock goes off in the morning and you think you're getting an IM!
10. You write your own ways to know that you've been online too long.
11. There is no carpet left under your chair, its all worn away.
12. You have been in your computer chair without getting up for anything but the washroom, and have survived on the drawer of food at your left and the coffee maker which is permanently attached to the main water line at your right.
13. You get hit for forgetting what was for lunch.
14. When you have read all 88 ways of knowing you have been online to long.
15. You know the meaning behind "AYBABTU"...
16. When you double click to choose your lunch.
17. The last time you showered was when there was a blackout.
18. You can't remember the last time you have eaten, drank, slept, or showered.
19. You know what this means, gtg brb gtp... ib
20. Your face gets tanned from sitting in front the computer too long.
21. When your sitting here, like me, typing ways to know you have been online too long.
22. The last time you slept was when you down loaded a 9 GB program.
23. When you go to your mail box and wait for someone to say "You've got mail".
24. When you post a message asking how to post messages.
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